Every au-pair's nightmare: The Nanny cam

I am a member of many Au-Pair groups on Facebook. Numerous times, somebody comes to the group, completely freaking out, that they have found a camera in the house and that they are being recorded. All of the sudden twenty other au-pairs appears, asking what the camera looks like and, oh-my-god, what if I am being recorded as well without even knowing it?

Let's talk about the hidden cameras for a while. They are called "The Nanny cams", and they can be easily hidden in some objects in everyday household. A teddy bear? Yes. Clock? Yep. A book? You bet. They are there for the host parents, to make sure that everything is going great.

Host parents usually set them up when they think that something might be going on, for example when they notice bruises on their kid's body that nobody can explain or if they suspect that the nanny is stealing.

In most cases, you are just being paranoid. If you find something that could be a camera, it's probably not a camera. If you are not sure, try to ask your host parents about it. My friend came up with a good test for a hidden camera - one day, when you are alone in the house, walk around naked and do a little dance in every room. If the host parents still maintain the eye contact with you or they don't burst out laughing next time they see you, you are not being watched.

In the United Kingdom it's not legal to use the nanny cam without informing the nanny, so the family is obliged to inform you about any cameras around the house. I have no idea about other states, but google will tell you.

If my host families had cameras around the house, they would see me raiding the fridge in the middle of the night, eating a family pack of ice cream in less than ten minutes, dancing in my PJ's and singing along to my favourite songs. I believe that I am not the only one who's doing all this, right? RIGHT?! 

Did you ever suspect that the host parents are secretly filming you? What would they catch you doing? Do you think that the parents have the right to have a hidden camera in their house without telling the childminder? Tell us in the comments!

How to motivate the kids to behave

When the kids are driving you all kinds of crazy because they are not listening to you and you need something to motivate them. 

I was an au-pair for more than three years and I've met many children and faced many problems. We had some spitting, hitting, peeing all over the house to get me into trouble, I've even seen some attempts to murder a younger sibling. That all happens. Children do that. But there are some ways to make them do it less often. Some of my favourite things to do that are charts and time out. 

In the end it should like like this. Or better.

Charts are brilliant for kids because they can see their progress at any given time and they can show their parents how many smiley faces they got today for being good. 

Most used charts are the ones where you just have the name of the child and put stars next to it for any good day, but I have something special. I call it the Toy Shop Chart. You can even ask the kids to help you make it, that will keep them entertained! 

What you need is a piece of paper [the bigger the better, but at least A4] and some colouring pencils or markers. 

First, draw a hill on the paper. A big, big hill. On the top of the hills, there is a house. The house is a toy shop. Now, draw some squares from the bottom of the hill up to the toy shop. Don't forget to make the way up from a lot of squares, twist the way, don't make it too easy for them [but not too difficult either, they would get bored of it]. Colour it in. And you're done. That was easy, wasn't it?

I found it to work the best when I put in on the fridge and bought some special cute magnets, animal magnets usually work.Let's say that you are looking after two kids, a girl named Kate and her brother Simon. Kate wants to be the pink bunny, Simon decides to be the monkey.

If they do as they are told [tidy their rooms, do their homework, etc.], they move up one square. If they don't do what they are told or if they misbehave [hit their sibling, throw something at you, etc], they move one square down. When they get up to the Toy Shop, it means that they get something from the toy shop. Or other kind of rewards. The house can be anything, a sweet shop or a video store, so when they get up there, they will get a lollipop or you will rent a new movie for a night. 

The main rule of the chart: Be fair. Make sure that you are fair with the kids. Don't use the chart just to punish them, use it to reward them as well. Don't reward/punish one child more than the other. Make sure that they are standing next to you when their magnets are moving up or down, so they can actually see that they are doing well or badly. 

The time-out is for punishment only. Let's stay with my two imaginary kids [who are definitely not named after my favourite actors Kate Winslet and Simon Pegg]. Let's say that Simon, who is 5 years old, hits his 4 year old sister Kate. Send him into a time out. It can be sitting on a  step, it can be standing in the hall, sitting on a rug. He is five years old, so he will be in the time out for five minutes. If he was seven years old, it will be seven minutes. Three minutes for a three year old. I think you get it now. Age turns into minutes. Trust me that even stupid five minutes is almost unbearable for him. When in the time out, they are not allowed to do anything, play with anything, talk to you, you don't talk to them. They are not allowed to leave the spot. It's like a prison without bars. If they leave their spot, the time starts again. It's important that you watch the time really closely and when the time is up, you stop the time out. 

At the end of the time out, you come to the child, get your eyes on his eye level, and clearly say to him: "Do you understand why I put you here? I put you into time out because you hit your sister and that is not nice. Now I want you to go and apologize to her." It's really important for you to explain to the child what he did wrong and that he understands it. Make sure he apologizes. The part of the apology should be a hug. 

The first time out will be difficult. I remember a three year old not being able to stay sitting on the rug and running off constantly, se we had to start the time out over and over again and it took over 90 minutes. The next time out took us only about 45 minutes and after few days we managed a time out when he was just sitting there for three minutes without running off. It does work, you just need to be patient.

Good luck!

Did you ever have trouble with the kids behaviour? What did you do? Share your ideas in the comments!

How to find other au-pairs in your area

I am getting a lot of messages from au-pairs if I know any other au-pairs in their area. The answer is simple, no I do not. Sorry. What I thought I might do is sharing some tips about how to find some friends around your new home. 

1. Facebook

When I started my great au-pair career back in 2008, it was really difficult to find someone around me. Not many people were on Facebook and the groups we have today simply didn't exist. It's been only in the last few years when the amount of people on Facebook grew so much and all the groups and pages were founded. 

Since I live in Ireland, I will write this about Ireland, but I promise you that this thing works everywhere. Try to search for a group that has your location in its name. For example I am in Kinsale. First thing I did when I arrived was that I logged onto Facebook and searched for "Aupairs Kinsale". And that was it. Seriously. That's all. Just put together the name of the place where you live and the word aupair. Now some time ago I lived in Ballyragget. It was a tiny village and there wasn't many au-pairs around. The closest bigger town was Kilkenny. What did I search on Facebook? "Kilkenny Aupair". 

The names of the groups vary, but this is what they usually look like, so try them all. Let's say that  you just arrived to a Smurftown to work as an au-pair. You don't know anyone. Go on facebook and look for one of these:

• Smurftown Aupair
• Smurftown Au-pair
• Smurftown Au-pairs
• Smurftown Au-pairs
• Aupair in Smurftown
• Au-pair in Smurftown

....I think that I don't need to go on. You are all clever and I believe in you! 

If you don't find any groups, why don't you start one yourself?

2. Local Newspaper

The papers in smaller towns sometimes offer a free small personal advertising. Check your local paper and see what it would cost you to have a small ad printed in it. Just say that a newcomer au-pair is looking for other au-pairs in this area. The odds are that somebody who knows other au-pairs will see it and let the au-pair know. 

3. Shopping centre bulletin board

You know what I am talking about. Take a piece of paper and write a personal ad where you say that you are a new au-pair and you are looking for other au-pairs in the area. 

Remember that your ad should stand out, so make it special. When I was making mine, I made it look like a flag of my country and I wrote my text on it. I had a few people reacting to it, saying what a good idea it was, because everybody recognizes their country's flag on a bulletin board and then want to stop and read it. In most cases, this advertising is for free, but they take it down after about two weeks, so be sure that you update yours!

How did you find your friends after starting with a new family? Make sure to leave a comment and tell us what worked for you!

Having to work when "you're off"

This post is based on many stories I've heard, and also on my own experiences. I am sure that 99% of you will know what I am talking about. We've all been there:

• "...and while the kids are in school, you're off."
• "...when the baby is asleep, you're off."
• "We are all going on a family trip on Monday, so you will be off."

So you are looking forward to some time for yourself, for your time off. And then the day comes and host parents speak again:

• "After you bring the kids home from school, you're off, but can you please do the dishes, cook dinner, hoover the house and take care of the laundry?"
• "Oh, he's asleep? Great! Can you look after the ironing for me?"
• "We're leaving now, so don't burn the house down and before we come back, can you please clean the house, cook something for us for when we come back, make the beds and tidy the kitchen after the breakfast?"

Sometimes it feels like "being off" means something else to the host parents than it does to the au-pair. Host parents seem to think that the expression means that you don't have to look after the children, so you have time for other chores and when that's all done, you can spend some time alone.

What "being off" means to me is that I don't have to do absolutely anything, being off means that I can be off,  that I can leave the house. It's almost like the parents think that our only job is minding the kids and that doing all the chores is something we enjoy doing in our time off.

Imagine that you work as a nurse in the hospital and they tell you that you are off on Friday, but they will need you to write the patient reports. But don't worry, you don't have to deal with the patients, you're off!

Or you're working at a bakery and your boss calls you up and says that you don't need to bake on Tuesday, so you're off, but you still need to come in and clean the shop. 

So, dear host parents, please, please, please, please, when talking to your au-pair, don't use the expression "you're off", unless the au-pair is absolutely free of any work and can stay in bed or leave the house without any worries. 

If there's something that you're need your au-pair to do that does not involve children, just say something like "Hey, the kids are in school, so you have a bit of peace and quiet, can you please do the ironing and clean their bedrooms?"

How about that? Wouldn't it make the life easier?

Did you ever experience such "time off"? Would you tell your host parents that you don't agree with that? Tell us all about it in comments!